Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Let's paint friendship bongs
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
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