Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
