i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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