Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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