There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
