Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
