my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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