apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
