I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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