I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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