You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
