girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
