Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
