worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize