You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
