Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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