while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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