my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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