How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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