Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
