You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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