I heard we made out
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
