Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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