i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
