Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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