You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
