I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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