Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
