i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
