Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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