There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I FOUND THE LEGS
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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