Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize