I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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