dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
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i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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