I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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