playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
