she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Can Purell be used as lube?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
