If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
