My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
