A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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