I heard we made out
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
