If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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