That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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