"it" just moved
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
