Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My penis needs a shock collar
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
