so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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