Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
