Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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