the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
