I wannas sexs uuuuu
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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