he thought i was a dude.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
