Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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