Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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