Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
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The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
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I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize