Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
