I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
