i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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