my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
