I wanna bring you to show and tell
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
