please come you make the beer taste better
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
