We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
