i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
