**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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