Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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