He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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