White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
