i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
