She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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