It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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