i jhust puked up my retainher.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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