I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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