My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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