I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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