Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
