don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We left the knife in your bed.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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