During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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