I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
