I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
